Remember when you were pregnant and everyone else seemed to be too?
Suddenly you saw those swollen bellies everywhere.
The grocery store. The gym. Walking down the street. Like mommies-to-be were just coming out of the woodwork.
Know why that is?
Cuz’ pregnancy was on your mind – so that’s what you noticed.
When you weren’t pregnant, the same ratio of ladies still flaunted empire waisted blouses – you just didn’t notice as often.
Your brain naturally focuses on what it believes to be relevant to you and your experience while filtering out anything that isn’t.
That’s the only way we can handle the billions and billions of stimuli points constantly coming our way. If we gave them all equal attention, we’d tire out in a second.
So the brain helps us out and highlights what it thinks we’d want to see.
Most of the time, that’s a great thing.
Saves us time and energy.
But sometimes, that brain function is a little less great.
Like when you are convinced that your husband is selfish.
Or that he doesn’t love you.
Or when you believe that you’re doing it wrong.
And that you other people are more talented than you.
Beliefs like those are subtle.
A lot of the time they run under your conscious radar – slowly eroding away your plans. Eating away your dreams.
The good news is, you can use your brain’s natural talent for filtration to your benefit.
Decide today – right now – what you want to believe about yourself. About your husband. About your relationship.
Write it down. Remind your brain daily. Then head out on a scavenger hunt looking for evidence. It’s there. I’m sure of it.
Want to believe that your husband is trustworthy? It may be hiding, but the evidence is there.
Want to think of yourself as deeply loved? You can find that too.
I know you might be thinking that I’m suggesting you paint a happy glow over what is actually a pile of crap.
I understand if you are skeptical.
And the truth is – there’s crap AND sunshine in your marriage.
You get to decide which side to focus on. Every day.
Pro tip: orienting to the sunshine makes cleaning out the crap a whole bunch more pleasant. I’ve seen that be true in my own life and in the lives of my clients – over and over. Time and again.
You don’t have to believe me.
Just consider – for 24 hours, even – that I could be on to something here. What if it’s true that finding the good gives you strength to tackle the bad?
Could be worth finding out.
Photo by Camylla Battani on Unsplash
