Buckle up. I’m about to tell you a story I’m not terribly proud of. You ready?
About a week or so ago, I hung up on a dear friend. Cut her right off in the middle of her efforts to comfort me. She said something, my feelings got hurt and I bailed. I don’t remember the exact timeline… but it was more than a little while before I got back to her to explain.
See… I may be a certified life coach, but I’m still a human. Sometimes my brain offers me thoughts that don’t serve me and I buy in to them hook, line and sinker. Then I hang up on a friend and feel justified in doing so. It happens. I’d prefer that it didn’t, but it did and I can find it within me to love myself anyway. “Just keep trying, love. You’ll get it next time.” Thanks, me.
I made nice with me, but still had some mending to do with her. There were so many options. I could…
…ignore it and hope she’d forget.
…stand strong on my opinion that she’d been insensitive.
…apologize for cutting her off and ask her forgiveness.
…move to another state and never speak to her again.
I’m certain there were more options available to me, but those were the options that immediately sprang to mind.
I chose none of them.
Instead, I asked somebody much wiser and more experienced than me what I should do. Someone who knew exactly the type of person I wanted to become and also the exact road to get there.
I asked future me.
The version of me who handles friendships
with confidence and class.
And I was right.
She knew exactly what to do.
Future me guided me to be honest with my friend whilst showing compassion for the both of us. I explained to my friend what had happened for me just before I hung up. I didn’t demand an apology or accuse my friend of being unkind. I simply explained my thought process and asked if this friend wanted to be the kind of friends where one (or both) of us is allowed to have a freak out without making it mean anything terrible about either one of us or about our friendship. Did she want to go with me and be that kind of friend? The kind who rolls with the humanness that’s bound to get in our way from time to time?
She did.
I did.
And so we moved forward like that kind of friend would do. We both knew that we wanted to stay friends. We both agreed that there was value and comfort we could offer each other. And that grand vision was more important to both of us than some split second tiff that didn’t really matter long term.
Future me knew I’d get over the thing she said. Future me knew it was a just a blip on the grand landscape of a strong, supportive friendship. So current me felt comfortable allowing grace for my friend, grace for me and space for both of us to move on.
What a beautiful thing.
As you make decisions over the next week, I challenge you to look to the future version of you for wisdom and guidance. She has perspective on what matters and what doesn’t. She’s got wisdom you haven’t gained yet. And she’s more than willing to share.
Look in the mirror, see who you want to become – as a wife, as a sister, as a daughter, as a friend… – and take a small step closer to being her today. You’ll never go wrong. Promise.
