Can we talk about hair for a minute? Blue hair specifically.
I want you to know that if something someone says to you bothers you, the ONLY reason is that part of you (maybe a small part, but still a part) wonders if it’s true. Really.
Let me show you.
Imagine I walk up to you and say, “I don’t like your blue hair. It’s silly. It’s looks terrible with your skin tone. And no one really has blue hair, anyway.”
How would you feel? (Remember, you have red/blond/brown/black hair, not blue. If you do have blue hair, imagine I told you that pink hair is dumb.)
More than likely you’d feel confused. You don’t have blue hair. So my comment wouldn’t phase you at all. You’re not going to start having doubts about your look or run off to book an appointment with your stylist.
See what I mean?
The same concept is true for anything anyone says to you. Ever. It only bothers you if you believe (at least a little bit) that what someone else is saying might be true.
Consider this concept the next time your husband makes a comment that bothers you. Is he right that you’re behind on the laundry? Is it true that your kids stay up too late? Is it possible that you were a teensy-bit selfish last Saturday?
Your brain thinks “yes” to all of the above. And that’s why his comment stings.
What if his comment didn’t have to be a problem? What if all of it was just information that you could use – as an exercise to accept yourself as you are, with grace OR as an opportunity to grow? What if it was possible for you to be fully lovable and behind on the laundry? What if your worth was 100% intact even if your kids are up too late? What if you are completely valuable and a little selfish?
I’m here to offer that you are. Amazing and boring. Responsible and lazy. Supportive and selfish. All of us are all things at some times and not at others. And as a complex human, you can shift and grow and adapt – more effectively when you take an honest look at yourself.
Try on the idea of embracing your blue hair. Maybe it’s not a problem and if you decide it is… you know the way to the salon. And you don’t have to feel bad about yourself on the way there.