It’s my husband’s birthday today.
@brandontoone if you want to stalk him on IG.
*spoiler alert: he’s not terribly active there*
Some might say that his birthday means I have to do something extra super special for him.
Something I’m only willing to do once a year because I’m “supposed” to do it on this, the day of his birth.
Maybe I have to make a complicated dinner.
Or proclaim his amazingness on all the social medias.
Or let him laze about all day.
Maybe I’m supposed to do a sexy strip tease…
Or watch a show I’d rather not see.
Or any number of other things – the brain can run wild with all kinds of expectations I could place on myself in the name of celebration and “proving” my love.
But here’s what’s true:
The best gift I can give my husband on his birthday is the gift I’m 100% willing to give from a place of genuine love.
Anything less is a disservice to us both.
Because if my gift comes with a side of resistance or the aftertaste of resentment… well… that’s not really a gift, is it?
It’s his day.
Could be true that he deserves to enjoy it without worrying about the grudge I’m going to hold.
He definitely deserves to celebrate without hearing about what a sacrifice it is for me to do something a bit more special than what I’d normally do on the average Wednesday.
If I notice a grudge or some grumbling popping up, I opt out.
Simple as that.
Because I deserve better than to force myself into doing something I’d rather not do.
I deserve to stop and listen to me.
To decide if I want to clean up my thinking and open up to compassion…
If compassion’s not the issue, but I just genuinely don’t want to do the thing.
Either is totally fine.
Our marriage can handle either one.
As long as we are both honest about our feelings and curious about why they are there.
So… if I do end up making a fancy dinner or slipping into something a bit more comfortable after the kiddos are in bed (wink, wink) – it’ll be because I’m all in on whatever I decide to offer.
A big part of my gift will be that it came from my whole heart.
No strings attached.
And if I can’t get to love without strings – or if I really just don’t want to do whatever it is… then I’ll just say no.
Cuz’ that’s what love – for both of us – would do.
Happy birthday, cheese toast. #fortyandfabulous