That’s me and hubs the day before we got married. We’re at the rehearsal and you’ll notice I’m looking back.
In this case, I’m smiling at my excited bridesmaids.
No harm, no foul.
Since we’ve been married, I sometimes look back at less pleasurable things.
Like the idea that he’s never gonna help how he should or we’ll never quite get the budgeting right or I’ll always have to apologize first cuz he never will.
I think I’m “right” about all that because it’s been “true” so far.
But what if the future is a blank slate?
What if it’s possible that what was “true” before might not be forever true going forward?
It’s so much easier to think about things the way you already understand them to be.
Takes extra energy to imagine and create something that hasn’t been there so far.
But what if you can do it? Even if what you are imagining is the very opposite of what you’re used to seeing?
Know that when you first try to imagine something different for your relationship, it’ll be hard. Your brain will want you to stick with what you already “know”. She’s trying to save you energy.
It’s your job to remind her that you WANT to spend energy on creating a relationship that’s fun to have.
You’re going to want to focus on what will go wrong. How he’ll mess it up. Let you down. And if you find yourself feeling resentful about your marriage, I’m not going to take that away from you. I get that familiarity feels safe.
I also know it isn’t. Not really.
And I’ll hang out with you for as long as it takes for you to see it too.
I’m not in a hurry.
Just consider whether dwelling on past offenses makes up for them in any way.
Does focusing on pain of the past dull the ache?
Click the link below when you’re ready to focus on creating the marriage you want instead.
I’m right here waiting.