I get it.
A lot of people think it’s cute and funny to say, “Sorry. Not sorry.”
Demi Lovato even recorded a catchy tune with that same name. (I do not recommend watching the music video – especially if you’ve got kids around. Just a heads up.)
Even so, that phrase: “Sorry, not sorry.” drives me bonkers.
Sounds dismissive. And insincere. #rude
Could be that my irritation with the phrase comes from a common struggle I’ve got in my marriage.
Sometimes I apologize after an argument and my husband doesn’t.
Frosts me every time.
There I am doing all the work in my own brain and my own heart to get to a place of love and sincere apology.
Then he has the nerve to not come along with me.
It’s almost like he’s got his own brain, his own heart and his own timeline.
Sometimes I can allow space for his brain to not be totally synced up with mine.
Other times, that’s tough.
It’d be so much easier for me if we were always ready to kiss and make up at the exact same time.
But sometimes we aren’t.
Which means that I have the choice to sit with his negative emotion and give him space while my own discomfort starts to creep back in… or start the fight up all over again by demanding he catch up with me.
Please hear that I’m not saying I have to stand by and be insulted or treated disrespectfully. That’s not needed. EVER.
But it might be true that I don’t get back to cozy cuddles as quickly as I’d like.
He might pout for a bit. He might still want some space.
And when that happens, I can remember that what he’s doing is all about him – doesn’t have to mean something terrible about me.
I can assume he still loves me, that our relationship is intact and that he’s simply choosing to take another few laps around a painful thought loop.
It’s all ok. I can wait. It’s what love would do.
Love for him. Love for me. Love for us.
Sorry, babe. And I can wait. Cuz’ that’s the wife I want to be.
What about you? What kind of wife do you want to be when your husband is still mad or hurt and you don’t want to be anymore?
Could be something worth thinking about.
Photo by Lina Trochez on Unsplash