I’m coming at you today with some solid marriage advice from the famed hockey player, Wayne Gretzky. He said:
“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.”
He may have been referring to hockey pucks, but the same is true for marriages as well.
Have you ever wanted to apologize, but didn’t because you convinced yourself that he should make the first move?
Have you ever stayed home from a special event because he “didn’t deserve” your company? (ahem, Rachel Green)
Have you ever wanted to ask for something, but held back because of how you imagined he’d respond?
I’ve done all of those things.
And for what?
When I refused to apologize first, I bought myself an extra long stay in painful, “not speaking to my spouse” land when we had the chance to settle back in to team work mode.
When I stayed home from something special, I missed something special.
And when I didn’t ask for the thing I really wanted, I didn’t get it.
Made sense in the moment. But it seems silly today. .
So I’ve made a pact with myself. Now I decide everything from future me’s perspective – the gal who is still married to my human husband with all of his fabulousness and all of his flaws.
I ask myself whether the current thing will matter in a year. I consider whether it’s worth spending time emotionally or physically separated from the guy I signed up to do life with.
Sometimes the answer is yes.
Often it’s no.
But either way, I decide on purpose every time now. I go to things almost every time because memories are more important than misery. I forgive quicker because it feels terrible not to.
And what I get back is a richer life experience filled with a variety of things to see and experience. And I get to know my husband better when we talk it out and I consider his perspective. I don’t always agree, but it’s been interesting to consciously seek understanding of where he’s coming from.
Going. Doing. Talking. Laughing. Loving. All of it feels better than Sitting Out. Scowling. Judging.
It’s harder to show up and participate than not.
But making that effort has unending rewards.
Promise.
Photo by Samantha Gades on Unsplash
