The Story of the AND

Because of COVID, hubs is now working for equity (read: not for pay).

Because of coaching (both my biz income and my personal brain management) this is not an issue most of the time.

Sometimes it is. Like when I asked him to run our daughter to her 1st grade testing and he pushed back that he had a really busy morning.

Don’t we all.

Deep breath.

Let that go.

OK.

Then anger flared again when I came up from my office to see that his version of “busy morning” meant doing Peloton stretching exercises and practicing JiuJitsu.

Are. you. kidding.

So I processed some anger (hello, white hot swirly lightbulb squeezing in on my sternum) and then realized: “Huh. Looks like he treated his workout appointments with himself as though they were appointments with someone important.”

Wait, what?

It’s an option to prioritize your appointments with yourself?

That’s allowed?

I knew this already. I teach it to my clients all the time.

Then, when I saw my husband practicing what I preach I got my panties in a bunch.

Which wasn’t needed.

Because of the gift of the AND.

I can be angry with the situation AND appreciate his commitment to self care.

I can love him madly AND be disappointed because I think he should be more flexible and helpful.

I can lovingly express my preference for him to adjust his schedule AND love myself by processing my emotion if he disagrees.

I can be confident in my decision to say that my appointment with a client is immovable AND allow room for his disappointment if that means he needs to adjust his workout.

The gift of the AND means there’s space for you AND your husband AND all of your emotions in every moment. No one has to be right or wrong or more important.

Look for the AND and love for you both will follow. Every time.

Photo by Mason Hassoun on Unsplash

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I’m Candice.

I believe that every wife ought to feel cherished and valued. Appreciated and adored. I know we can make that happen. Even if it seems impossible to you. I’m a Master Certified Life Coach and I spend my days coaching women who are afraid in their marriages. You and I can work together to find a way for you to trust in your own decisions instead of constantly reacting to his. Now’s your time, Bee. How much longer are you willing to wonder and wait?

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