‘s Up, Bees!
What’s your favorite love song?
Hum the melody and run through the lyrics.
You got it?
Feeling the love?
Now ask yourself this. Who’s singing in your mind’s eye?
I don’t mean the actual artist. I mean, in your relationship, which of you is singing and which of you is listening?
My guess is that your answer matches mine.
And not a problem.
You want your husband to sing love songs to you because of how you think you’ll feel if he does. Loved. Cherished. Noticed. Appreciated. Seen. Adored.
Makes sense. Who doesn’t want to feel those things?
But consider this: think back to high school or college when some guy was interested in you and you… well… weren’t. Now imagine that guy singing the same song to you. How do you feel now?
I’m guessing you’d feel weirded out. Embarrassed. Maybe even annoyed.
How can that be?
In both scenarios, a man is singing your favorite love song. To you.
Only difference is, you like one guy and not so much with the other one.
To take it one step further, imagine that your husband is still singing your favorite love song – but now he’s singing it after he forgot your anniversary or after a big fight. It’s possible that you’re feeling skeptical rather than adored in that scenario.
Because of what you’re thinking. Because of whether you believe he’s sincere. Because of whether or not you’re interested in forgiving and moving on.
Let’s imagine that he’s perfectly sincere in his singing. He loves and adores you. 100%.
If you’re still upset, you won’t feel love.
Because love can’t jump out of him and on to you. We know this because you never fell for that guy back in high school or college – even though he was all in for you.
Knowing that you are 100% in charge of your emotions gives you all the power back. You can feel love whenever you want. Even if he’s done something dumb. Even if he’s done something cruel. Even if his behavior feels unforgiveable.
I’m not saying you have to feel love for him. I’m just saying that you could. If you want to. Whenever you want.
Let’s say he’s done something that’s just semi-annoying. Picture that moment in your mind.
Now pull out your favorite love song again.
Hum the melody and run through the lyrics – this time with YOU as the singer. Observe how love flows through you and notice that it’s all because of what you are thinking. About you. About him. About your relationship.
Notice that you can generate love whenever you want. Even if he’s done something dumb. Even if you’re not sure he deserves it.
And then let me nudge you just a little further here.
What if it’s not a question of whether or not he “deserves” your love? Your love doesn’t jump out of you and on to him, remember?
What if you generate love on purpose because of how it feels TO YOU? Because love drives you to be the kind of woman and wife and mother and sister that you really want to be? Because operating from a place of love guides you to make the best decisions toward building the life you want to live?
What if you could use love to help you be who you want to be even when he’s not quite who you’d prefer he be that day?
What if you stayed in full control of your feelings and decisions because you were very deliberate in being aware of your thoughts?
Just might work.
Happy singing, Bees.
Photo by Michael Maasen on Unsplash