The Story of “We”

The above looks strikingly similar to what you’re likely to find in my living room every January 13th or so.

My family’s naked Christmas tree.

In my no longer festive living room.

How does this happen? 

Well, it’s because husband and I usually agree that “we” will take the tree down before the kids go back to school.

I then pull the decorations off and wind up the lights and put it all away on December 30th. 

Because that’s my part of “we”.

I assume that his part of “we” will be to drag the thing out of the house and off to the tree drop.

Clearly, we do not understand “we” the same way.

This happens SO much in marriages.

You say something to him.

You assume that he understands the English language and thus knows what you mean.

This can be a dangerous assumption.

Maybe not for something like a Christmas tree.

Having it in our living room isn’t that big a deal for me. Not really.

But there are other instances where I might use our varying vocabulary definitions as a reason to feel hurt, to feel disappointed or to doubt the future of our relationship.

So… here’s a little marriage hack for you: 

If the something you’re talking about is SUPER important to you, consider clearly defining ALL of the vocabulary. 

And checking it twice.

In my house that sounds like me saying, “I said we, but I meant YOU. Is that still okay?”

Husband does the same back to me. “I said, ‘sometime today’ – but I really mean by 4:30p.”

It’s my job to clarify if it’s my important thing.

It’s his job to clarify if it’s his important thing.

And then both of us get to pay close attention to our responses if the other one doesn’t do the thing – which could happen – but that’s a story for another time.

For now? 

Try out clarifying the definition of ambiguous, complicated terms – like “we” – because clear = kind.

You’re welcome.

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I’m Candice.

I believe that every wife ought to feel cherished and valued. Appreciated and adored. I know we can make that happen. Even if it seems impossible to you. I’m a Master Certified Life Coach and I spend my days coaching women who are afraid in their marriages. You and I can work together to find a way for you to trust in your own decisions instead of constantly reacting to his. Now’s your time, Bee. How much longer are you willing to wonder and wait?

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